Useless Trivia #1: Old shows, new titles

In commercial television, it's long been a given that if a network series should last at least 100 episodes or three seasons, old episodes get syndicated - that is, released to local stations. The stations will either purchase the episodes outrightly (and sell all the commercial time), or acquire them on a barter basis (run the show in exchange for airing commercials provided by the syndicator, either during the show or at other times). A major ad agency and its cereal-making client set up a successful syndication firm using the barter system - no doubt made easier after the government forced the networks out of the syndication business in the early '70s.

Until around 1980 or so, the syndicators engaged in a very peculiar practice: if they distributed older episodes of a program still being produced by/for the networks, those older shows would get another title. No doubt this confused many viewers.
Here is a by no means comprehensive list of those alternate syndication titles:

-1950s-
Dragnet (1950s episodes): Badge 714
Gunsmoke (early half hour episodes): Marshall Dillon
The Millionaire: If You Had a Million
The Bob Cummings Show: Love That Bob
Treasury Men in Action: Federal Men
Wagon Train: Major Adams, Trailmaster

-1960s-
The Andy Griffith Show: Andy of Mayberry
Bonanza: Ponderosa

-1970s-
Ironside: The Raymond Burr Show
The Rockford Files: Jim Rockford, Private Investigator
Emergency!: Emergency One
Happy Days: Happy Days Again
CHiPs: CHiPs Patrol

Those are just the ones that came to my mind; there are of course many other examples. Note that later syndication titles merely add one or two words to the original title - so they wouldn't have to completely remake the title sequences.

Another bit of title-swapping by syndicators of yore is when they had two versions of the same movie: a new title was given to the older version. Thus, the 1930 version of "The Maltese Falcon" (with Ricardo Cortez as Sam Spade) became "Dangerous Female" while the Bogie version kept its title. The first version of "The Dawn Patrol" was retitled "Flight Commander."
Those who tuned in to the film "Tops is the Limit" were watching the original version of "Anything Goes." The earlier film of "The Barretts of Wimpole Street" was rechristened "The Forbidden Alliance." And so on.

Pardon these spasms of oldfartism. Be warned that they will continue.

Chuck's last bow

Well, Charlton Heston passed away over the weekend, and I feel compelled to comment.

I am tempted to use that "I come not to praise Caesar but to bury him" line, but Heston played Marc Anthony in the 1970 film of "Julius Caesar" (in which Sir John Gielgud played the title role - instead of being stabbed with daggers, he was run through with swords: bloodier, you see). In fact one of the first films he made was of that Shakespeare tragedy, when he was a student at Northwestern in the 1940s - it was directed by David Bradley, who later inflicted "They Saved Hitler's Brain" upon the world.

Heston's first big role was in Cecil B. DeMille's "The Greatest Show on Earth" - which won a Best Picture Oscar, and could be a contender for Most Undeserved Oscar next to Marisa Tomei. But he won screen immortality by playing larger-than-life heroes in a larger-than-life manner: Moses, Judah Ben-Hur, Michelangelo, El Cid, and the occasional Something Different (viz. his role in "Touch of Evil"). Not to mention his forays into SF with the original "Planet of the Apes," "The Omega Man" (based on the Richard Matheson story "I Am Legend" - which also inspired the Will Smith movie of that name), and "Soylent Green."

In his later years, he sunk into a sort of self caricature, but not with tongue in cheek or a wink and a nod. He always took himself oh-so-seriously. (Recall the Bud Light radio commercials he did? Or his disastrous hosting of Saturday Night Live?) Despite his liberal youth, Heston swung to the right and became a champion of the gun industry, and president of its organization, the NRA. His flag- (and gun-)waving speeches were given the same gravitas as the Ten Commandments, proclaiming unto his flock that he would only part with his Holy Firearm when it is wrested from his "cold, dead hands." And lo, the flock carried his message unto all the land, displaying their fealty upon the bumpers of their pick-up trucks: "My President is Charlton Heston."
Down Eros, up Mars, indeed!

Love or loathe him, it's hard to deny his impact. Adios, Chuck.

Else what's a heaven for?

Doesn't hurt to dream. But if your reach exceeds your grasp too far, well, the result can be quite dire. And if you are blinkered to your own limitations, well, you're on your way to becoming a laughingstock.

Poor Sam Mraovich. The man obviously put his heart and soul into his magnum opus, Ben & Arthur. Sam wanted to make a serious statement about the struggles that gay couples endure to get married. What he ended up with - well, judge for yourself by viewing the trailer.

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Here are a few choice screenshots from that trailer, with actual dialogue added.



Arthur (played by Sam) offers his manifesto. Never mind that Don't Ask, Don't Tell is still in effect.




His partner Ben (Jamie Brett Gabel) ain't too happy.





Arthur's brother Victor (Michael Haboush), a devout churchgoer despite his dark roots, is after Ben and Arthur to find Gawd and change their eeeevil ways, baby.





Father Rabin (Bill Hindley) of the Holy Cardboard Cross Chapel (stained glass by Timmy, age 8) tells Vic he's out of the church because his brother is gay.




Just for shits and giggles, Vic pops a cap in the head of Ben's attorney. She dies clinging to the steering wheel of her car. Rigor mortis sets in waaaay too fast.





If that isn't melodramatic enough, Ben happens to be married already. To a woman (Julie Belknap). With a gun - and an unwillingness to let him go, gay or not.





After Ben literally wrestles the gun from her, she lays with one knee up, moaning "I thought you loved me..."





One of Vic's fellow parishioners tries to persuade our boys to come to Bible Study - even donning copious amounts of lip gloss in order to attract them. The road to heaven is paved with Smackers!





Apparently, Artie fwowed up. After viewing this trailer, I wanted to barf too.





And despite Ben being far handsomer, only Artie's allowed to be sexy... or what he thinks is sexy.






No comment.



Ariztical/Culture Q Connection
(if you really want to see it, and may your God go with you)

IMDb entry for the film (currently #6 or 7 on the IMDb Bottom 100)